


This Is The Way You Left Me, No Happy Ending

by pennylesspiggybank



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Endgame, Hurt No Comfort, I Made Myself Cry, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-09-07 11:29:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20308753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pennylesspiggybank/pseuds/pennylesspiggybank
Summary: Bucky deserved better, but this is what he got. Steve abandons him and this is what I think was on his mind while they said goodbye. Here is how I think Bucky felt in the final scene of Endgame.





	This Is The Way You Left Me, No Happy Ending

**Author's Note:**

> I would just like to apologise in advance for any crying this may cause, I myself was crying while I wrote this. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to fight Steve Rogers, anyone wanna join me?

How did this happen? Bucky couldn’t pinpoint an exact moment, but when had it all gone wrong? Was it somewhere in those five years that Steve had been without him? Did he finally decide that Bucky wasn’t worth all the trouble? Was it before that? It couldn’t have been, he was so happy to see him in Wakanda - Bucky wishes it were under better circumstances, but unfortunately Steve and fighting were a package deal. Maybe it was before that, Steve hadn’t visited him in Wakanda all that often. He always passed it off as wanting to keep Bucky safe, but maybe he was just glad to be rid of him. Bucky couldn’t help but let his mind wander as he stood at the platform waiting for Steve to finish talking to Sam. He knew about Steve’s plan, he hated it, but it was what Steve wanted so he was going to put on a brave face. He wished he could ask Steve what happened, what made him want to leave Bucky, was it his fault? A part of him didn’t want to know because he didn’t need Steve to confirm his suspicions that he wasn’t enough for him. He had always thought that, even when they were kids, Steve was always so good. When the serum had made him better in everyone else’s eyes Bucky felt even more unworthy of him. It was only a matter of time before Steve realised it too, now it seems like Bucky’s time was up. 

“Don’t do anything stupid ‘til I get back.” 

An echo of what he had said to Steve on his final night before his life became one fight after another. It feels like a whole lifetime ago that he uttered those words to Steve, he realised bitterly that it was a whole lifetime ago. One neither of them really got to live. At least now Steve would get to live his life, the one he had always wanted. Bucky wanted to be happy for him, he tried so hard to be, but he just felt pain. 

“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you.” 

And Bucky’s heart, don’t forget that. It had belonged to Steve for almost a century. Inseparable on both schoolyard and battlefield, just like Bucky had read in the museum when he began remembering. He lost himself, but he remembered Steve and for the longest time he couldn’t figure out why Steve was the one memory Hydra couldn’t erase. When he could finally trust his own mind again he pieced it together and nothing has ever made more sense. He loved Steve, although it was clear that Steve didn’t love him. Not anymore. He tried so hard to be the Bucky that Steve wanted him to be, but he just couldn’t; maybe if he tried harder Steve wouldn’t be leaving him. 

“Gonna miss you, buddy,” Bucky said as he patted Steve on the back, because what else was there that he could do at this point. He couldn’t ask him to stay, he shouldn’t even have told him that he was gonna miss him; it would only make Steve feel guilty (which is what Bucky secretly wanted so that maybe Steve would choose him instead). But, despite his own feelings, Bucky wanted Steve to be happy even if it was killing him. 

“It’s gonna be okay, Buck.” 

How could he say that? Bucky wanted to scream at him, because it most definitely is not gonna be okay. Steve brought out the best in him, a part he thought was gone. Steve still saw something good in him, but apparently not good enough to stay. Bucky wanted to be angry, he didn’t want to let go, he couldn’t imagine a world without Steve and he didn’t want to. He would be lost without Steve and he didn’t know if he would survive losing him. Bucky still needed him. 

“Alright. We'll meet you back here, okay?”

“You bet.” 

Bucky stayed long enough for Steve to disappear before he turned around and walked off. His memories were swarming around in his head. Special moments that were suddenly bittersweet. Every time Steve had promised to stay with him “till the end of the line,” now felt empty. So, this is the end of the line...Bucky sure as hell didn’t picture it like this. If Steve had meant all of that, why did he leave Bucky? All those times Steve had saved him and fought for him and vice versa, did that mean nothing? Bucky just wanted to go home, but his home had always been where Steve was. When he saw him sitting on the bench he called Sam over, but he couldn’t bring himself to go closer to Steve. This wasn’t his Steve anymore, this was a stranger who lived the life Steve was supposed to. One without the pain and suffering that came with having Bucky in it. 

“No, I don’t think I will.”

He seemed happy, Bucky wished he could be happy for him. He didn’t want to talk to him, he didn’t even want to look at him because it hurt. Everytime he looked at him he would be reminded that he wasn’t good enough and that his best friend was gone. The Steve he knew is never coming back and it made him nauseous. It dawned on him that that must’ve been the way he made Steve feel all these years. He had to look at Bucky and talk to him, knowing that the Bucky he knew was never coming back. Bucky couldn’t take it anymore, he had to get away from him. 

The nightmares had never really stopped, but in Wakanda they weren’t as frequent. However, now they happened every night. Sometimes Bucky would dream about Hydra or the war, but sometimes he would dream about Steve and he would wake up crying. He would once again be reminded of how truly alone he was now that Steve wasn’t with him anymore. Bucky had a strange relationship with these dreams because he’d be happy to see Steve’s face again, but then when he woke up he expected Steve to be there, but he never was. In the end, Bucky would do it all again, Steve was his best friend after all. He wished that Steve would come back to him, he wished that he could have been enough for him, but no one said that the end of the line would be a happy ending.


End file.
